Dec. 1st, 2023.
Happy December!
I celebrate Christmas so for me this is the holiday season and I love it!
But did you know there was a time when I actually hated it!
This was because it was the season of overwhelm.
I would be overwhelmed because it was always my busiest month at work, because it was always an expensive month and because I felt pulled in too many directions by my family. It was always a battle between my divorced parents and in-laws as to who'd get the prime real estate- seeing my husband and I on Christmas Day or Christmas Eve.
I just wanted to relax and enjoy the season. However I would stress out about the holiday concert I'd be hosting at my school. It doesn't seem like a holiday concert would be a stressful thing, but trust me it was! Although hosting a concert was never actually in my job description, there was a social pressure to continue this tradition as it has been a thing done by music teachers for so many years.
If you ever want to read about a good book about these "social rules" we feel pressured to follow, I highly recommend The Code of the Extraordinary Mind by Vishen Lakhiani. He calls them "Brules," short for Bullshit Rules.
I was following brules. The brule that I had to bend over backwards to make my family happy, driving all over to fit in several get-togethers all on Christmas Eve/Christmas Day and the brule that I had to host a concert in December.
I would end up burning out, binging on no joke, 15 boxes of chocolate (my teacher gifts) and then I'd get a virus as soon as it was all done which actually resulted in me having to cancel my New Year's Eve plans on multiple occasions.
So do you know what I finally did?
I canned the December concerts and told my family I'm not going anywhere on Christmas day.
I just became the music teacher who didn't do concerts in December and the daughter who wouldn't attend a family gathering on Christmas Day.
I instead did a concert during a later winter month and the songs had nothing to do with a certain holidays, just what we had been learning. This I felt was actually better.
I stayed home on Christmas Day and if my parents/in-laws wanted to come see me, they were welcome to, but they might bump into their ex! My mother ended up coming since she didn't have a partner and that seemed fair as the others all had new spouses or a child still living with them.
So I tell you this long story because our inability to set boundaries and prioritize our own well-being DOES have a HUGE effect on our health.
Sometimes you just have to say NO!
Happy Holidays and Happy Boundary Setting!
xoxo
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